Bambi

Don’t let me break your heart

I’m not the one, just only one part

Of the story, a momentary glory

For which will eventually cease

Don’t compound this defeat

By clinging on to me

That person who already told you

That she wished to be free

To find herself, to go it alone

But I’ll still feel love for you

As if you were my own

Love is just a funny thing

It’ll make you cry, it’ll make you sing

Or maybe that fling didn’t mean a single thing

But perhaps it did - so don’t lie

Don’t pretend you didn’t spend a night by their side

Don’t pretend you didn’t lead them this way

Just because your own heart had no intention to stay

Don’t lead on the bright and light hearted

Because you have to be careful of what you have started

This year I’ve broken hearts

While tending to my own

But little had I known

I had done all this damage, alone.

Confliction

So often when I feel immersed and flooded in poignant emotion, is when I get the overwhelming urge to purge this pain on paper. I call it pain, but it softly lulls and has an air of catharsis cradling it, uncovering and metamorphosing me into yet another form. I’m constantly shifting, flitting and fluttering between has-beens and momentary skips into bliss. Do I miss you, still? I’m just so confused. I began this script in an attempt to control, grasp and bottle how I feel, but the thing is, I can’t tailor what I feel. Currently what it seems is that I’m trying to steal myself from the reality, that I’m not sure if this still hurts, works or where it’s going. Are we still glowing? There’s just no way of knowing. Do I keep going, as I felt so compelled today? To travel cross country to say the usual things I say. To say that I love you, how hard it was to let go, ending with - do you still want me, surely you should know? I don’t, though. That’s the issue. I’ll cry, I need a tissue, but are these tears real or just the upmost confusion. Do I still love you, or is this total delusion? Are you truly compatible with this heart within me? Do you yearn to be free and see the world I see? Or are you scared, and lost - also, just like me. Are we clinging on to a dysfunctional love that still, and will always, run deeply.

Soul diffusion

My efforts to jot down my emotions is to open my soul.

I can hear it talking to me but the language is still unknown.

I don’t know, truly, what the ending for us is.

I don’t know for how long these deep seated feelings will persist.

Will they leave me, or you, in the fullness of time?

Or will they continue, forever, in some universal paradigm.

Where our souls will float in unison, but only over our heads.

Maybe down here we won’t meet again, maybe only when dead.

And I dread that I think in such farfetched dimensions,

It sounds like delusion but I know his soul knows - Yet his earthly reactions, often restricted, primitive with his primary goal, Just may be that he’s afraid of being alone. As for me, I revel and rebel in that ominous space. It’s not the same but an oblivious notion I chase. Instead though, what I want is the deeper embrace, The glimpse and connection, that I know is there. Somewhere in the ether, I once accessed my soul. And I knew, at that point, I wasn’t dancing alone. But maybe we’re all dancing, with every one that we meet. We only notice this though, once we feel so complete. And that’s what he did, he completed my whole. But I know now, it wasn’t him; but me - he just enhanced my soul. And for that fleeting moment we were on the same plane. There was no fear, no loss nor no need for gain. I once accessed true love which now leaves a bitter aftertaste. He too is searching for this drug, while he feels out of place. But only human, we are. Only for now. And somehow for me 'the one and only',

Doesn’t seem so relevant right now.